Hello, little one. I don't know if I will ever get to know you, or if you will forever remain in my heart though not in my arms. I wanted to let you know how much I love you, and miss your presence here.

I've been thinking of you a lot, again, since your Daddy turned 39. Ultimately, we had another long talk about you on Sunday night. After some research the next morning, I've decided that if I work really hard and get my blood sugar under control, and lose some weight that I'd like to give it another chance.

You see, ever since I was diagnosed with diabetes, I've been afraid to invite you into my body. I've been afraid that I would hurt you in ways that would crush me. All along, God has been teaching me about His plan, but I was not completely trusting that He knows best...no matter what the outcome.

Even now, the fear is there...but with God's grace, I'll find the strength to overcome it. Thinking of all the years that I've wasted in fear overwhelms me, it seems that no matter what direction I look, all I see is sin. I've missed the mark in so many ways. Then, I remember the cross...because on that cross the Messiah shed his life-blood for the forgiveness of sins...MY sin.

So, little one, as I begin the long-road to making my body as safe as I can for you, I intentionally place my trust in God to show His perfect plan.